I love(d) Mitch Hedberg...
This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... It's dirty.
I saw a human pyramid once. It was totally unnecessary.
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
I type a 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Once I saw this wino who was eating grapes, and I said, "Dude, you have to wait".
I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a lady who would be really mad if she heard me say that.