I would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy

I love(d) Mitch Hedberg...

This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... It's dirty.

I saw a human pyramid once. It was totally unnecessary.

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

I type a 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

Once I saw this wino who was eating grapes, and I said, "Dude, you have to wait".

I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a lady who would be really mad if she heard me say that.